The Poor Man's Poker League is a poker tournament that plays every other Saturday, in several different locations.


08/23/2009 - Big Gay Ed is the Big Gay Champ!

That's right folks, Honorary Dudash #3, Ed, is the season 6 champion!

Nobody's really sure how Ed came to win, as he never should have made it past 5th place, and damn sure never should have made it to heads up play, but somehow it happened.

Ed went heads up with Jason, who was the dominating chipleader since it was down to 5 people. Ed chipped away at Jason's chips, and they eventually split, with Ed having the majority of the chips and therefore, taking first place.

Honorary mentions go to Me, Eric, for taking 3rd place after the worst suckout and most ridonkulous call ever by the champ, Ed. Lora, my brother, went out 4th place, because I caught a King on the river, with my big slick. I'm sure she'll tell you about it 4 times before you even read this though.

Thanks to all for a great season 6, and we'll be seeing you for the start of Season 7, on September 20th, 2009, at 7:30pm. THERE WILL BE NO POKER ON SEPT. 6TH! Not in the garage at least.

Have a safe holiday, and try not to play too much 4-card burn.

08/22/2009 - Final Game, Somebody Wins!

Somebody won. I don't know who. We'll just pretend like it never happened.

Yes, that's what you get when you email people and ask for props for winning. You lose!

Also, for the past 30 or 40 seasons, Shawn's name has been spelled wrong. And now it isn't anymore. So we'll pretend like that never happened either.

Anyway, onto the business, as I'm writing this right before leaving for the final tournament of champions, because I'm the laziest slacker of slackers. I do nothing but slack and laze all day long!

Game 10, the final game before the tournament of champions, saw allegedly 19 people, although I really do not remember it being that many. But that's what the official spreadsheet says, so that's what it was.

Taking up 4th place was Lori B., followed by a third place win for Big Gay Ed, The Big Gay Honorary Dudash.

After those two got out of the way, Jason and Somebody battled it out for the final win of Season 6, and after a [insert synonym for epic battle to the death here], Jason finally bowed out to Somebody. Somebody won. Can't name names here.

Now, with all that said, We have a new entrant into the "PMPL's Manliest Player Ever" competition, which previously consisted only of the guy that worked 18 hours and still came to play poker. Well, he's being challenged by Greg, the guy who BROKE HIS FUCKING BACK. AND STILL CAME TO PLAY POKER. Oh yes, you read that right, Greg fractured his L2 (or maybe L4?) vertebrae, and still showed up with his he-man - "I'm a fucking beast of a man" - shield on. Here's to you brokeback.

08/02/2009 - Game 9, New People, New Winner

Heeding the warnings of League Administrator to bring more people to the game, we had 4 newcomers in Gabe, Rob, Cindy, and James. Welcome!

The "New Winner" part refers to "Somebody that isn't Lora". Feeling the heat from the LGC Investigation, Lora let Tony A. win, just so he could take the overall lead back by two points. Somewhat newcomer, and holder of the "Most Ridonkulous Call in the History of Poker" crown, Eric S. took second place after Tony A. took him out.

3rd and 4th places go to Gimpy Jim and Cheating Lora.

We had a decent turnout and love the new players, keep em comin! I don't feel like being humorous this time.

07/12/2009 - The controversy continues in Game 8

Game 8 of the Poor Man's Poker League was plagued by more controversy, yet again by League Administrator and conspirator, Lora.

Taking a break from taking first, cheaterface Lora decided she would place in exactly the correct position needed to take Tony A's previously comfortable lead from him. The Livonia Gaming Commission has been notified, and frankly, doesn't even know where to start. It's like the Kwame scandal of Poor Man's Poker League.

But alas, we must let the proceedings be handled by the professionals, and I give to you the news. In spectacularly normal PMPL fashion, the new guy, Eric S., took first after an up and down battle with Jason. It was such an up and down battle that we had to re-introduce blue chips as $1000 chips, as the blinds were $2,000 and $4,000. It becomes quite humbling when your stack of 30 $100 chips turns into 3 singular $1000 chips, and that doesn't even cover the big blind. Well i imagine it is at least, since I was just dealing and not playing.

Lora, with her carefully calculated mathemagicistics, placed 3rd to take first overall. And I, the original Eric, took 4th to tie with Sean for third place overall.

I left before midnight. I really don't care about what happened after that. That's why the site is being updated at 10am the following day, because I'm conscious and coherent enough to do so, after getting owned for all I'm worth. Fuck your boat.

07/08/2009 - Game 7 - More evidence to collect for the LGC

Livonia Gaming Commission has furthered their investigation into League Administrator, Lora, after it appears she "Won" the second Season 6 game in a row.

Seems a bit fishy to us, and them. The LGC has asked that all players cooperate with the ongoing investigation, and should we be called to testify, wear dark, reflective glasses, and preferably a hat with some bright ass LED's on it, to confuse the courtroom audience as to our identities. It's the LGC's version of witness protection.

Anywho, Lora "Won" game 7 after going heads up with Mark C. Tony A., as per usual, placed in the top 5, at third, adding some more room to his already comfortable lead. Leading up the rear in 4th place in game 7 of the Poor Man's Poker League was yours truly, Eric.

Now let me take a minute to tell you about men. See, you have men, like Jason, who work 18 hours, bust their ass, then as soon as the whistle blows at the end of their EIGHTEEN HOUR WORKDAY, they call up a PMPL member and make sure the game is still on. The game is always on my friend. No home, no shower, no kissing the wifey, no bullshit. Leave after working 18 hours, and man up and play some cards.

Now, that's a man. On the flip side, we have ... I don't even know what to call them. Bitches? Pussies? Gay ass faggots? (nothing against actual gay people, mind you. Well except Ed). Yes, lets go wth bitchy pussy gay ass faggots. The three Dudashes (or Dudaches? fuck your name), decided they all had big fat smelly vagina's for game 7, and couldn't show up because they all just came off a TWELVE [start getting teary-eyed for them here] HOUR SHIFT!

OH NOES! TWELVE HOURS HUFFING PAINT! YOU POOR BABIES! Listen. We had to demoralize a fucking pink eyed donkey into an honorary Dudash, just because you lazy, whiney, bitch asses couldn't show up.

If you're man enough, show up for game 8. Unless you have a hangnail. Or the hiccups. Man the fuck up. Stop crying. Go to the ATM, and fuck you pay me! (Psst click that fancy play button below)

06/28/2009 - Downtime Update - State of the Site

Alright, so as you've noticed, I was 3 (and for 24 hours, 4) updates behind. My bad. Didn't have time, just like some people don't have time to show up to poker after working 12 hours, so they instead run home and pick the sand out of their collective vagina's. Big deal.

As for the actual downtime of the website, here's the story: I pay 80 bucks a month to have my own dedicated server out there in internetland. There's a few other sites on my server that I run, but not a lot. A couple friends pay me a very tiny amount of money (like $50 a year) to host their sites on the server.

All was great until earlier this month, when I noticed none of the sites on my server were responding, at all. I restarted the server, and all was solved for about a day, when it happened again. Restart it, same thing. Ok for a day or less, slow, slow, slow, gone.

Then one of the guys who's websites I host on the server told me that google had flagged his site as a malicious website, saying that people were downloading bad shit from his site that was completely ruining their lives. Ouch. Sucks to be you buddy, not really my problem though. So then I started thinking, and thinking, and realized, oh hell, what if somebody got his account info, fucked with his site, then somehow got access to the server, and broke it's poor little server legs?

3 Days of investigaton. Found signs of people doing shit on his account, but nothing more than that. Then I start to see messages showing up in error logs that lead me to believe there's a hardware issue. Hard drive, memory, CPU, or something. I sent in a support ticket, with a very high importance, with the subject line: SERVER HARDWARE FAILURE. URGENT!

33 hours later, they got back to me and said "Yeah. you should back up your server, the hard drive is about to completely fail.

Awesome, thanks fellas. Meanwhile, the server and all sites on it are down this whole time. I can get them to come up for about 2 hours before the server halts itself again.

3 days of backing up 45GB worth of files, and about 3GB worth of database backups, and i told them to replace the drive, and reinstall all the base software.

19 hours, getting much better! They replaced the drive and told me I would have to send in a separate request to have all my base software installed on it.

Sweet. Did that.

26 hours later, base software is installed!

9 hours later (and after doing this until 7am on a work day), the server is back up and fully functional.

There's the story. Not a whole hell of a lot I could do, and I worked my ass off to get it back. So now I'll update the site more often, and have already put in a much saner backup plan in place :)

Carry on, nothing more to see here.

06/13/2009 - League Administrator wins Game 6, Gaming Commission Investigates

The Livonia Gaming Commission is investigating what it believes to be a setup in game 6, season 6 of the Poor Man's Poker League.

Evidence has pointed to The League Administrator, Lora, having set decks, hidden chips to be used later in the game, and most shockingly, using the PMPL canine, magoofus, to take the attention away when she needed to grab some chips or set up a deck in her favor.

We will update later on this developing story, and hopefully all wrongs will be righted by The Gaming Commission.

Down to business, as you may have heard, Lora took first, after a heads up cheat-filled battle with Tony A. Third and fourth places go to yours truly (Eric) and Gimpy McGimperson, Jim.

PMPL would like to formally introduce the gayest, and at the same time, awesomest game ever, BURN!. It is rumored that several PMPL Veterans' homes are now in foreclosure as a result of a single hand of Burn.

Burn is the anti-christ, and at the same time it is the patron saint of your own pocket. It is gay, and spectacular, it is stupid and genius, it is... Burn.

05/30/2009 - Dudash #2 wins game 5

Game 5 of the PMPL arrived with a decent turnout of 18 alleged poker players, all ready to play their hearts out till 9:30 am or so.

Well, at least a few did. Onto the business! Sean took first place after a grueling heads up battle (as usual, I was far gone from the tourney, and have no idea, they could have split for all I know), with Tony A. Liotta, each taking 5.8 and 4.8 points, respectively.

3rd and 4th place gets awarded to Jason and Dudash #1, also respectively.

The usual asshattery occurred afterwords, poker, blackjack, drunken idiocracy, people getting nicknames, etc etc. The rest is PMPL history.

05/02/2009 - Game 4, All Eeeen Finally Weeens!

That's rght ladies and gentlemen, Mark has finally taken first place at the Poor Man's Poker League!

At a record round 6 turnout of 20 people, after unsuccessfully trying to take first for 430 fortnights, (that's 6,020 days, or roughly 16 and a half years), Mark defeated Chip in an all-around agonizing heads up duel.

Dudash #1, Greg, bowed out at a respectable 3rd place for some odd points. New guy Brian took 4th place, and nobody really cares about second place.

Yes, the website is getting updated. Holy crap.

04/25/2009 - Game 3, Big gay Ed wins

After a season 6 record turnout of 18 players, big gay Ed himself saw a victory to put him in a comfy third place overall position.

After game 3, the overall standings have changed dramatically, it just goes to show you what can happen when you blow off poker to go to your stupid friends birthday party, or to caress your sandy vagina.

Not that anybody would do that, we're all dedicated poker players here.

Anywho, Big gay Ed took first after a 3 week long heads up battle with Tony Liotta, who ultimately couldn't stand any more of Ed's whining about Tony's outfit not matching.

A respectable 3rd and 4th place finish was awarded deservingly to Lora and of course Holly, who always manages to come back after a chip and a chair.

At 10pm, we had 4 people left in the garage. Let's make sure that never happens again, Tony, Morgan, Greg, and all the rest of you Nancy ass sonsabitches that left after the tourney game.

04/15/2009 - Season 6, Game 2. Come and gone.

Yep. I updated the site! See the below post about working 25 hours a day 8 days a week, wah wah wah, cry cry cry.

I'm busy. I get home, and don't even want to see a computer. None of my personal sites get updated either (of which there are plenty, trust me).

Anywho, the business awaits!

Still early in the season, we've yet to see a turnout of over 20. Let's change that, shall we? More people = more money = more points = more money at the final table = more dew and limon for Tony, so he doesn't have to push his wife down the stairs because she brought home diet dew and Mohawk.

Oh, the business as in, who placed in game 2? Well of course it was Joe H, Sean, Mark S., and Morgan going into 4-way play. Somebody took Mark S. out for a worthwhile 2.6 points. Then Morgan decided it was time to let the men be men, and graciously bowed out for 3.6 points. Sean and Joe H. battle it out until Sean lost all of his hair and Joe turned gay, and eventually the patchy-headed Sean took first place for a stunning 5.6 points, securing a second place overall spot.

Note to self: when it aint your night, it aint your night. When you deal Hi-Lo 500 times, and the outcome of EVERY single game is at either: "First or second person bets the pot minus a quarter, wins, skip, skip, repeat, etc, first person able to bet the pot bets the pot and wins" OR "game goes on for 9 years, pot grows to 360 million dollars, Obama has to consider a bailout for your King Deuce pot bets (then you hit a king and double)....". It's not going to change. When the cards fall like that, play dice. Or uno. or something. Jesus.

Note to all: THERE WILL BE NO POKER, WHATSOEVER, FOR GAME 5, MAY 16th, 2009!!!

Game 5 and the rest of the season will resume as normal on May 30th. Why is there no regularly scheduled game 5? Lora's Boyfriend John, Super Drummer Extraordinaire in the band Yankeeville, is playing a gig at the MOTHAFUCKIN HOEDOWN BITCHES!!!! That's pretty huge, congrats to all involved, and break a leg and shit.

03/26/2009 - Holy Crap, the website is updated!

That's right! I actually updated! What with working 14 hours a day 6 days a week, and having a new baby to deal with at home, plus my daily regiment of 4 ounces of crack to smoke, I actually found time!

(that means shut the fuck up if you got a problem with it taking a minute to update the site. Yes, even you Tony.)

Anywho, to see the last update for season 5, click the fancy "round 5" link over there on your right. Go ahead. I'll wait.

...Read it? Yeah I didn't think so. Nobody cares about yesterday's news.

But lets get on to today's news, shall we? Round 6 kicked off with Joe H. persevering through the suck that is his poker skills, and taking first place in a heads up battle against Jason. I was the dealer and I remember it being a really gay hand. Almost as gay as Ed. Though my crack smoking will not allow me to remember any specifics, just that it was gay.

Special shout outs go to Tony Calamatsoballsoup and yours truly (Eric) for 3rd and 4th place respectively. A special shout out goes to Morgan, for being the best 5th place baby mama in the whole entire universe. Now shut your mouth and pick up my fucking dry cleaning, for the love of god! And no, I am not bringing Thai home for lunch tomorrow. Or dinner. Or dessert. Or any other fake meal you want to invent. Probably not anytime next week either.

//sigh

Anywho, I have to mention blackjack, poker, and blackjack, or else i wont get paid. See how those became links just now? That's pretty awesome huh?

Peace, Love, and Chicken Grease.

plants